


Spirits In My Head

by KillTheDirector



Series: Alternative Universe - Gender Changes [15]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Badass Steve Rogers, F/M, Female Steve Rogers, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Kidnapping, Non-Serum Steve Rogers/Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes | Shrinkyclinks, Torture, sorta slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 13:22:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7846744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillTheDirector/pseuds/KillTheDirector
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Find her.</i> </p><p>That is what his mind is screaming at him to do. He needs to find Steve and destroy every single one of bastards that took her. </p><p>He may not be their Asset, but Steve Rogers is his mission.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Steve jolts as a ringing in her ears that makes her head ache even worse screams in her head. She blinks against the pain, vision swimming while she watches the man in the mask calmly holstering his gun. 

He says something, but it's muffled like he's speaking through cotton. Steve frowns dazedly, realizing that he just fired a fucking gun _inches_ from her head. 

She's picked up and hoisted over the man in the mask's huge shoulder, and her stomach flips as the world is turned upside down. "What the fuck--?" She's shoved into a plain black van, tossed like a sack of potatoes instead of a human being. The men in fatigues climb in behind her, and her hearing is finally coming back because she hears them snickering to themselves and making disgusting comments. 

"Enough." The masked man barks, and his troops shut right up. Steve struggles against her bindings and tries to glare up at the guy in charge. 

"You know, a plain black van just screams 'sketchy'." She tries to twist her arms out of the handcuffs, hissing as the skin rubs raw. "If _I_ were kidnapping a person, I wouldn't be using the most conspicuous inconspicuous vehicle out there." 

She lets out a grunt when the masked man kicks her in the stomach. "Someone get this bitch a muzzle." Steve snorts, the action made more disgusting by the blood seeping out of her nose; she wants to mock them for anything she can think of, just to grate on their nerves because...she's not sure how she's gonna make out of this alive.

()()

Steve had managed to fall asleep after they had forced her into a gag; she wakes up in a daze, the beating they had given her hours before catching up with her frail body.

She winces when she tries to move, bruises upon bruises causing her muscles to scream out in agony. She can almost hear Sam sighing and telling her _Why don't you just keep your trap shut, Rogers?_

Steve manages to move into a sitting position, grimacing as her arms pull uncomfortably against the cuffs still secured around her wrists. She looks around, blinking blearily as her eyes adjust to the new place she suddenly finds herself in. 

It's a dim room with only the basest of furnishings, the walls and floor metal. Steve squints in the dark, trying to see where there might be a door. She wonders if those guys are gonna forget about her. 

The door clicks open, light spilling into the room and practically blinding her. Steve hisses curses in her head, flinching away from the light as it causes her head to throb. She squints at the new comer, trying her best to sneer when she sees that it's the man in the mask. 

He stands in the doorway for what seems like forever but in actuality is only a few seconds. "Glad to see you're awake, sleeping beauty." Steve grumbles behind the gag, arms tugging at her bindings. The man doesn't seem to care about this, stepping closer to her. His boots thud ominously in the small room, making the hair on Steve's arms stand on end. 

The man in the mask sits on a metal chair she didn't realize was there and begins to take off the skull shaped mask; she jerks back in surprise at seeing the man's ruined face, her wide eyes scanning the thick swatches of burnt skin. He grins at her, the action pulling at the scars, and she notices that he's missing an eye. "Take a nice long look at what your pal did. Dropped an entire fucking building on me just because he was acting out." 

His grin dies down to a smirk, and he leans forward, one hand still holding onto the mask. "Here's the deal, sweetheart, I'm gonna keep you here and we're gonna send out some messages to the Asset. He'll come chasing after you and then you're gonna help me change him back." The skin where an eyebrow should be raises in question. "Understand?"

Steve doesn't nod or shake her head, she merely glares. Her hands are clenched into fists behind her, and she wants to scream that she'd never help this monster change Bucky back into who he was before. 

The man seems think her lack of a response is amusing, and he chuckles out a few wheezy laughs. He slides the mask back onto his head and stands; reaching out (though she tries to jerk her head out of the way), the man grips her hair in his fingers. "Oh, we're gonna have _fun._ "


	2. Chapter 2

Water goes up Steve's nose, burning all the way as it washes into her lungs while the hand in her hair grips at the short blonde strands. She splutters and wheezes when they pull her up, dirty water running down her face along with her angry tears. 

She sucks down as much air as she can when the man in the mask-- _Crossbones_ he had called himself--barks out the order for "Again." 

Water floods her mouth, choking her while she counts down the seconds, minutes they hold her down. She wants the pain to stopstopstop, but knows if she begged them like they want her to, she'd be betraying herself.

Instead, she croaks out a wheezing "I can do this all day." 

Hours later they toss her into her cell, uncaring of the way she struggles to breathe. Steve climbs onto the thin mat they call her bed and curls into a small ball; she doesn't allow herself to cry because that's what they want her to do. She screws her eyes tightly together and does allow herself to shake. 

It's been two weeks. 

Two weeks and there's no sign of anyone coming to find her even though they'd been recording--and apparently sending-- all of her 'sessions'. Crossbones had seemed pissed at first, but then shoved the fact that there's been radio static on Bucky's end in her face. "I guess he doesn't give a shit about you after all, sweetheart." 

Steve knows that she can't rely on the super solider to come rescue her like some fairy tale princess, but as the days turned to weeks, she's becoming a little desperate. 

A tray of meager food is shoved through the door's slot and Steve gets up from the cot with a soft groan. She crouches over the tray and picks at the slab of what could pass for meat and sips slowly at the water. 

Her hands shake and she ends up dropping the plastic knife onto the ground. Leaning down to pick it up, Steve's fingers hover over the utensil, an idea forming in her mind. 

The thing isn't sharp enough to successfully stab someone in the neck, but in the eye...

She breaks the knife in two, smiling slowly at the sharp edge that's revealed. 

()()

Steve wakes up with a jolt, the sharpened plastic knife clenched tight enough in her hand that it's causing blood to dribble from shallow cuts. 

The door to her cell opens with a clatter and one guard comes in the small space. They don't consider her enough of a threat to have more, and from where Steve remains curled up on the cot, he doesn't even look armed. 

"Get up, lazy bitch." The man sneers, stomping over to her while she prepares...he leans down to grasp her thin arm, and she springs into an attack. 

Using the surprise, Steve rams the plastic deep into the man's eye. He bellows out a cry of pain, dropping her arm in order to grasp at his face. Steve doesn't waste a second look and darts out of the cell, heart pounding as adrenaline shoots through her body. 

Alarms begin to go off, red lights casting the eerie metal hallways in a shade of blood. Steve turns every corner she comes across, hoping that she'll either be able to lose the guards that are sure to be coming after her, or find a way out. 

Her bare feet slap against the cold floor, and her head is beginning to swim due to the lack of sufficient food. Breath coming out in wheezing pants, Steve ducks into what appears to be a utility closet in order to try and calm the asthma attack she feels coming on. 

Swallowing thickly, her hears manage to catch on the sound of thudding footsteps coming closer. She cowers behind mops and dark extension cords, clamping a clammy hand over her mouth to try and quiet the wheezing pants still escaping. 

The guards march passed the closet, their shadows made even more terrifying by the still blaring red of the alarms. Steve waits, tense and expecting someone to kick down the door. 

Her hands shake, and she wishes that she had wrenched the plastic from the man's eye when she ran; at least then she'd have something of a weapon. 

Steve sinks down into a squat, back pressed firmly against the wall and eyes trained on the closed door. She gnaws on the inside of her cheek, not wincing when the taste of blood suddenly invades her mouth. The pain keeps her grounded, allowing for the adrenaline to calm to something a bit more manageable. 

Her eye lids droop as the tense minutes creep by; the alarm is still wailing outside, and she wonders if they're close to finding her. Surely a place like this has some sort of surveillance system? 

There's suddenly a huge boom that seems to vibrate the entire building. Steve jolts upright, her back ram rod straight; her breath is caught in her throat as the sound of gunfire echoes down the halls. 

Guards run past the closet, screaming loudly when something _huge_ chases after them... _roaring_. The sound of more gunfire and something exploding rings in Steve's ears; she holds her breath, a feeling like something close to hope bubbling under her heart. 

She thinks...

The gunfire seems to die down (that or it's moved somewhere where Steve can't hear it), and the hope begins to fade. She angrily blinks back tears, shaking her head and grabbing a mop handle. If anything it'll give her enough time to bash someone over the head with before they fill her with bullets. 

Steve creeps over to the door and opens it; peaking around the doorway, she stifles a gasp at seeing bodies littering the ground. The smell of smoke has become strong in the hall, and she has to bite back a gag at the slight tinge of burnt meat in the air. 

Steve tries not to think of any puddles of liquid she steps in, keeping her head held high and eyes straight. The mop is clenched tight in her hand, her knuckles white from the force of her grip. Another explosion rumbles through out the building, causing her to stumble. Steve sucks in a breath through tightly clenched teeth and keeps moving forward. 

She waits by a corner, ears straining to hear anyone coming; she thinks she hears soft footfalls, but doesn't know if it's her heart or not thudding in her ears. A shadow trails over the ground; Steve reacts before thinking, letting out a screech and swinging the mop with all her might, a jolt of happiness surging through her at the grunt of pain when it connects with her target. 

"Shiiiit, ow okay..." Steve jumps back, preparing to attack again when the man that she had hit holds up his hands surrender. "Wait! Don't hit me--!"She doesn't wait and cracks him over the head, briefly noticing the...bow and arrows(?) he has attached to his back. 

The man helps again, grabbing his head with one hand and catching the next strike with the other. Steve tries to tug the mop from his hand, but he's strong. "Fuck--kid, wait! I'm a good guy!" 

Steve pauses for a moment, breath leaving her in frightened shaky pants while the man tosses the mop-cum-weapon away after giving it a small glare. "Wh-what?" She sways slightly on the spot, trying not to let her hope bloom. This could be a new trick cooked up by Crossbones in order to fuck with her. 

The man winces as he rubs at the spot she had hit. "Yeah...crap, that hurt. You Steve Rogers?" Steve nods dazedly, watching as the man slumps (in relief?) and speaks into a small radio attached to his wrist. "Hey Barnes, I found her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliiint 
> 
> Steve will forever be a badass, I love him/her.


	3. Chapter 3

There are bodies littering the ground, scarlet blood dribbling out of cut throats and ripped away limbs. It's soaking into the concrete floor, and sticks to Steve's bare feet. 

Her stomach lurches at the sight, hands shaking as she tries (and fails) not to look at the lumps of flesh that used to be living and breathing people. Even though they kidnapped her, threatened her, _tortured_ her...they didn't deserve this. She closes her eyes and sucks in a loud breath through her nose. 

The man--Clint, he introduced himself as--pauses and levels her with a look. His forehead is beginning to bruise from where she hit him with the broom, and his nose has stopped bleeding; she winces a little in guilt. "You alright?" From his gaze, he knows that she's not. 

"Why did you go through all of this trouble to get me back?" Steve's eyes drop back down to the bodies, noting crushed throats and holes torn through chests. "I'm...I'm just some skinny kid from Brooklyn, not the fuckin' president." 

Clint places a hand around hers, stopping them from shaking so badly. He uses his body to block most of the damage from her gaze and gets her to look at him. "I'm not really the one you should be askin', but...what I do know is that when someone cares about you, they'll do whatever it takes to save you." There's a light of understanding in his eyes. 

"Steve!" She jolts at the sound of Sam yelling her name, and yelps when she's attacked with a hug. Pressed against a solid chest, she feels tears of relief prick at the corners of her eyes. Sam holds her tightly, enveloping her in the smell of fresh squeezed orange juice and gun powder--he smells like how he always has, and that makes her want to break down and cry. 

She's not dreaming. 

"Y-you fucking--I can't believe... _shit_ Steve, I thought I lost you!" She knows that her best friend is at a loss for words; he's pulled her out of almost every fight since they were kids that he should know how stubborn she is. His constant worry makes the guilt weigh heavy in her stomach, but she buries her face in his chest.

"Sam, I'm sorry..." He laughs, but the sound is a little cracked around the edges. 

They break apart (only after Sam has nearly hugged the life out of her, but Steve isn't complaining), and she finds that the three of them have been joined by the rest of the Avengers. 

Her eyes are instantly drawn to Bucky. 

He looks as if he hasn't slept for days (which she thinks might be the truth). Dark hair that's a little longer than when she last saw him curls around his face, and deep shadows line the underside of his grey-blue eyes. They're wide, relief swimming in the depths while his plush mouth is parted, as if he was about to say something. 

Steve wants to run to him, to wrap herself around him and never let go...her eyes drop down to the metal arm, and she recoils slightly. 

Blood nearly coats the entire hand with splashes of it going up the length of the arm. 

Realization makes her feel lightheaded, and she sways on the spot. Her stomach rolls as she looks away from Bucky's arm and down to the splatters of humans smeared over the floor. 

He did this because of _her_. 

Steve's legs give out and blackness greets her. 

()()

Steve wakes up not knowing where she is. Her body tenses, waiting for a kick to the stomach or a slap to the face that's been her wake up call for two weeks; her muddled mind slowly catches up, allowing her ears to catch on the low rumble of jets. 

There are voices a little off, and she recognizes both of them as Bucky and Sam's. Steve keeps her eyes closed and relaxes her body to try and appear like she's still asleep; both men don't seem to notice the change, and continue arguing back and forth. 

"Look, I get that you went off the handle--hell, I did!--but you have to realize we all gotta put this in our report." Sam's voice is a low hiss, and Steve can imagine his clenched jaw and tightened fists. 

"What did you expect me to do?" Bucky's voice is a low growl and is closer to her than Sam's is. She thinks he might be sitting next to her, but she doesn't open her eyes to check. "You think I shoulda just let them _go_? After what they did?" 

Sam releases a long sigh, and Steve can practically see the level look he's most likely giving the ex-assassin. "No, _I_ don't...and neither do the rest of the team, but the Secretary of Defense and the rest of those assholes will think that you should've. They're gonna want to do something because they'll think that you're gonna...revert."

"As long as she's safe, that won't be a problem." Steve doesn't allow her eyes to fly open at this admission like she wants to. Her hand clenches into a fist under her pillow while silence stretches paper thin between the two men. 

"I get that...but you need to be careful...for Steve's sake." The sound of a woman's accented voice comes from above them, announcing that they're landing in Nee York soon. 

A few minutes later, a hand settles on her skinny shoulder, jolting Steve out of her act. Her heart hammers against her breast bone even though she knows where she is. Bucky has pulled his hand back as if he's burnt her, and he's staring at her with wide eyes. 

"Sorry." He says, hand (it's his flesh hand, and when Steve's eyes flicker down to the metal one laying innocently against his thigh, she notes that all the blood has been cleaned away) curling into a loose fist and being shoved down by his side. 

"Water?" Her voice cracks over the word, and Bucky jumps up to grab her a water bottle. Steve drowns the thing in one go and instantly feels sick to her stomach; she closes her eyes and swallows against the bile rising in her throat. Bucky hasn't made a move to touch her again. 

Steve is upset with herself for being thankful for that, but behind her eyelids she sees Hydra bodies strewn over the ground and knows that it was because of her. 

Bucky wasn't under any sort of brainwashing when he did that; Steve doesn't know how to feel about it. 

He seems to sense her distress, and stands to move further away from her. Steve wants to tell him to stay because she really is happy to see him...but her hands shake in fear and remembered pain. 

"I'll get you when we land." His voice is monotone, and when Steve opens her mouth to reply an affirmative (or to apologize for acting like she is, or to just tell him that he didn't need to kill for her), he's gone. 

()()

Bucky doesn't come and get her like he said; Sam helps her up with a steady hand and a relieved smile. 

Steve tries not to note the absence of the super solider because that would make the guilt of finding it somewhat relieving eat away at her. 

"Where are we going?" She asks tiredly, bleary eyes staring out tinted windows as they drive through Manhattan rather than toward Brooklyn. 

"Stark Tower," Sam replies on the end of a sigh. "You're gonna be there for a little bit." Steve would normally argue that she didn't need any help or any charity, that she was a grown woman and had been by herself for eight years, but the past two weeks are catching up with her and leaving her exhausted. 

()()

Steve is given her own floor in Stark Tower, a fact that leaves her reeling a bit. 

Tony Stark is...someone she'll have to get used to; he talks far too much for her right now, and seems cocky as hell for someone that nearly caused a robot apocalypse. 

Steve didn't see Bucky on her way into the tower, which made her squirm in guilt. She wants to apologize to him for how she reacted; Steve sighs loudly and flops onto a large leather sofa that sits in her make shift living room. 

Gnawing at the inside of her cheek, Steve takes in the space. It's made up of modern and clean lines, looking barely lived in. In comparison with her shabby and cluttered apartment, Steve feels like anything she touches will have dirt stains left behind even though she had taken an hour long shower. 

Steve lets out another long sigh, head starting to pound behind her eyes. Standing up, she walks quietly over to the floor to ceiling windows that overlook New York. She's home but...not really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter I know! I'm working on a shit ton of stuff right now (they joys of now being an 'actual' adult rather than a student) so updates will be slow. BUT FEAR NOT, I WILL NOT ABANDON ANY STORIES. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed:)


	4. Chapter 4

"Alright, breathe in." Steve tries to hide the wince of pain when she does as the doctor instructs. Her fingers tighten around the edge of the medal table, white hot pain shooting through her chest as she lets out the breath prematurely on the end of a gasp. 

"S-sorry." She coughs, body shivering as she tries to control her breathing again. The doctor is patient with her, eyes going down to his notes with only a small frown of concern working over his face. 

"It's fine, Miss Rogers." He pulls on a new pair of gloves and instructs her to lay back on the table. 

Steve tries not to freeze at the command, her heart feeling like it skips a beat in fear. She growls in her head after a second, annoyed at her body's reaction; she knew the doctor wouldn't hurt her, so why was she acting like this? 

With a small sigh, Steve lies back and stares up at the bright white ceiling. "I'm going to press against your ribs to see if any are broken, is that alright?" She's glad that Stark thought to bring in a doctor to the tower because she wasn't sure how she would've faired outside just yet. 

"Yeah..." She hates how weak her voice sounds, and at the way a high pitched yelp of pain leaves her mouth when he lightly presses down against her side. 

There's a bright purple bruise decorating the side of her body, and though she had been checked over for any extensive injuries when they brought her back to the states, she supposes broken bones were over looked. 

The doctor lifts his hands away from her and writes something down. Pressing down again, Steve bites down on the inside of her cheek till she tastes blood because the pain _burns_. "Please, Miss Rogers, if you're in pain I need to know." 

"I-I know how this works, doc." She rubs furiously at the tears that dribble out of the corners of her eyes and tries to give the man a shaky smile. 

The doctor's mouth thins slightly (either at her trying to act like everything is okay, or at her actual physical condition), and he stands up straight. "You're going to need an abdominal X-ray. There are signs of broken ribs, so we need to make sure there isn't any internal bleeding." 

Steve nods, unfazed by this information. She had been beaten and starved for two weeks, so the chances that her already frail body being okay afterwards was nearly nonexistent. 

()()

The damage to her body isn't as severe as she thought, which is surprising. A few cracked ribs and a fractured wrist is something of a small blessing in the face of the mental damage. 

Steve stares into her bathroom mirror, her blue eyes wide but unfocused as she practices taking deeper and deeper breaths despite the pain. The doctor had prescribed her with medication, which thankfully dulls the pain somewhat but she's been taking shallow breaths for a couple of days so she needs to get back into the practice of breathing normally. 

Her gaze sharpens, and she's a little shocked at how exhausted she looks. Her ribs had prevented her from sleeping too deeply, so dark bags line the underside of her eyes while her skin is nearly yellow under the bright white light of the bathroom. Her cheekbones stand out more than they used to, and a greenish yellow bruise is healing on the underside of her jaw. 

Steve lifts her hand and trails her fingers through her closely cropped hair, thinking that this is the biggest change. 

Crossbones had ordered for her hair to be cut close to her scalp, hoping to dehumanize her even more than he did. She knows that it's silly to be so shocked by the short length of her blonde hair, and even though she usually had her hair styled into a bob...her fingers trailed over places where they shaved too close and where her scalp was showing through. 

It would grow back, she knew this, but...

Steve sighs and pushes away from the sink. She walks silently into her temporary living room; she doesn't know how long she's going to be kept here, and wants to ask someone like Sam. 

Or Bucky. 

She hasn't seen the man in the three days that she has been in the tower. Steve wonders if it's because of some sort of mission or if it was because of what had happened when they came to rescue her. 

"Um, hello?" Steve looks up to one of the cameras that are peppered through out the floor. She knows that there's some sort of AI that Stark and the rest of the team talked to, and so she wonders if it would help her find where Bucky was hiding. 

" _ **Yes, Miss Rogers?**_ " 

Steve smiles at the woman's accented voice. She feels a little comfort knowing that something is always watching out for the tower, even if it is a disembodied voice. "Uh, I was wondering...can you tell me if some one is in the tower?" 

" ** _If they aren't on a classified mission, yes I can._** " Steve nods and sucks in a breath. 

"Is Bucky here?" She doesn't want to ask 'is he avoiding me?' because she feels like that would sound far too whiney. 

The AI hums (which Steve finds interesting because the voice sounds so human). " _ **Sargent Barnes is in the training rooms, Miss Rogers.**_ " 

Steve lets out a relieved breath, and begins to walk toward the door. "Thank you--um, what's your name?" 

The AI's voice sounds warm when it replies " _ **You may call me Friday, Miss Rogers.**_ " 

Steve smiles up at the camera, a feeling of something good blooming in her heart. "Then you can just call me Steve."

()()

The training rooms are in the lower levels of the tower, so Steve heads there without thinking too much about how she'll react to Bucky upon seeing him again. 

Part of her has already rationalized what he did (those people were the ones who had tortured him for decades, forced him into killing and then sent him videos of her own torture, possibly triggering flashbacks). Another part of her, someone that had never been in a situation that called for such violence, still shook at the thought of seeing him. Sure she had been in numerous fights, but no one had ever ended up with limbs being ripped off. 

Sam had told her that was normal, that her mind was still processing what had happened. Steve wonders if she'll ever return to normal. 

The elevator door opens and she steps out into a long hallway that is compromised of mostly windows looking into the training rooms. A number of them are dark, but she's able to see the room where Bucky has housed himself in. 

Sucking in a large breath (and ignoring the bright spark of pain that accompanies the action), Steve straightens her spine and marches down the hall. Her bare feet don't make much sound on the cold granite floor, and it's then that she realizes the rooms must be soundproofed. 

Steve stops in front of the window that looks into the training room where Bucky is; she watches him for a few moments, awestruck at the graceful fluidity of his movements as he practices knife work on one of the training dummies. His metal arm glints in the bright fluorescent light, the deep red star proudly displayed on the artificial bicep. 

It had only been the last few weeks of them living together that he had ever been comfortable touching her with the metal hand, and while Steve watches the fingers curl around the knife's hilt and trust the blade into the dummy, she realizes with a jolt that he must have been extremely conscious about the strength it possesses. 

She figures it's probably a bad idea to walk into the room unannounced and knocks sharply on the window. Steve watches the line of Bucky's shoulders tense at having been interrupted; he turns, a small scowl working over his plush mouth, but the expression drops into something more resembling shock. 

Steve smiles (though she's sure it looks more like a grimace than anything, and knows that the yellowing bruises on her face make her look something close to a nightmare). Bucky quickly moves to unlock the door, and she notes the difference in their height as she looks up to meet his gaze. 

They study one another for a moment; Steve tries to calm her frantic heart beat and the spark of irrational fear at talking with Bucky again. "Steve," his tone is quiet, breath barely above a pant even though he had been training moments before. "What are you doing down here?" 

His gaze moves away from hers to glance down the halls, and Steve knows he's a little surprised at her being down there by herself. She hasn't really ventured anywhere in the tower alone. 

She needs to be truthful with him, tell him that she wanted to make sure she wasn't permanently afraid of what he may or may not do to her. The jumping of her heart, and the sweat on her palms says otherwise. 

"I uh, got bored being in my room all day." It isn't a complete lie, though by the narrowing of his grey blue eyes, he knows she's not being fully truthful. Steve runs a nervous hand through her short hair and scowls. "I also haven't seen you around. What, too good to pay me a visit?" It's...a relief to be able to snark at him, and the knot of panic that's made its home in Steve's gut for the past few weeks has started to loosen, if only slightly. 

She's relieved to see a small smile flicker at the corner of Bucky's mouth, and he lets out a little laugh that doesn't sound forced. "I'm sorry." They both know it's because of how she's been acting that he hasn't dropped by, but they're both ignoring that fact for now. 

Steve swallows and takes a step back. She's getting tired, and the throbbing from her ribs is beginning to get more painful than she can handle. "Whatever, I've seen enough of your mug for today." She tries not to wince when she turns, the action pulling uncomfortably at her side. Steve doesn't miss the frown crossing over Bucky's face, but she attempts for casual and gives him a little wave over her shoulder. "I gotta go."

When she makes it back to her floor and dry swallows her pain pills, Steve allows herself to slump in relief. She lifts up her hand, tears of both frustration welling in her eyes when she sees that it's shaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's gonna be a process getting over that fear, Steve. 
> 
> Thank you all for sticking around :)

**Author's Note:**

> Well here we go again!


End file.
